Not Going To Be Defeatist, Even If It Hurts

Maybe this is a post to myself, I do not know. However, I have the urge to write down my thoughts so here I am!

I have had a lot of time to think about my current situation. Overall I feel blessed beyond what I deserve. Yet when I say that I feel like I am cutting myself down a measure or 10. Because do I not deserve all that my own heart desires? Of course I always think of my children ahead of myself…but aside from them, why should I let even one other person make me feel as if I am lacking somehow. I know there is always room for improvement, I know that more than anyone. However, when someone cuts you down to mere inches tall, what else can you do?

I write because I know that I cannot be the only person on this planet who feels the way I do. And if what I say encourages just one other person to keep their head held high, then that is enough for me.

I have been reading a lot of Sense and Sensibility lately, for my Brit Lit class, but also for an essay contest. Reading the text to such an in-depth degree has really taught me something by the character development within the plot. One thing it has taught me is to pity the one who causes me to think myself unsatisfactory. The one who does not see me for who I am and love me. The one who intentionally finds a fault to bring to the forefront.

Just like Willoughby, one day he will see me living a happy and full life while he stands in the distance and regrets how much his words have hurt me. I know this is not the end for me.


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